Llana Fearn

Things I want to do more of in 2025

Hello! From a very tired, run down Mama. We’re all now full of whatever it is going round. Isla had RSV and bronchiolitis, so is still getting rid of that and I can’t remember the last time I slept longer than 3 hours at one time?! What’s new though, really? I don’t think I’ll ever sleep like I used to ever again. Maybe I should just get over it and accept it.

With the new year fast approaching it always seems like a good time to think about what I’d like to do more of and less of next year. I love reflecting on how the year has gone. I write notes to myself throughout the whole year and love to scan back through them to see where my head was at at different times of the year.

So, things I’d like to do more of in 2025. I got into a really good habit of reading most nights whilst I was expecting Isla. I found it was a really good way to wind down before bed and although some nights were uncomfortable having to lie on my left side with a huge bump, I really did find that I slept quite well. So for 2025, instead of doom scrolling before my head hits the pillow, I want to read a few pages of a good book. Can’t be that hard, surely? Will report back at the end of next year! Any books to recommend please do. I loved Verity and It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover and I think fiction is better than non fiction for reading before bed. I do love self help books but I don’t find those as good for winding down too.

I say this every year… but I’d really like to workout 3 times a week. Either it be a run outdoors, on the treadmill, a swim, a HIIT workout, whatever. 3 times, no excuses, just do it and work hard when I am doing it. I have a wedding to feel good for and right now, I am not feeling great in my body. I know, I gave birth 4 months ago but it’s not that. I eat too much, especially biscuits with cups of tea and I’ve been lazy. With having no dog to walk now, I’m definitely not getting as many steps in as I’d like to. Plus, the way I feel mentally after a workout just tops everything. Happy wife, happy life.

I really want to start eating as close to nature and as locally sourced as possible. I think we do pretty well already but I want to make more of a cautious effort to support local farmers and buy products that don’t contain a whole load of preservatives and whatever else is added in to make them taste nice or last longer on a shelf. This goes for skin products and cleaning products too. I’m slowly filtering things out when they run out and I’m reading the ingredients labels on pretty much everything now too. Don’t get me wrong, I know some things can’t be avoided 100% of the time and I’m not going to say no to eating a takeaway or whatever it is but I’d like to try for the majority of the time at home.

This one is probably one of the biggest things I notice in myself that I absolutely hate and I have already started making an effort to do this and that’s putting my phone away and out of sight when I’m at home with the children, especially after M has spent the day at playgroup, she needs my undivided attention. Even if it means just sitting on the sofa together and watching a bit of tele. I’m so bad for checking it whenever a notification comes through or whenever I think of something and have to Google it there and then, I don’t have to.

Dedicate a couple of hours each week to do something creative. Just for fun! Nothing too serious. I’d love to do some Lino printing again. I find it quite therapeutic. Drawing on my iPad, sewing, crocheting, anything! If it helps me unwind, I’m here for it.

Well, that’s me for today and probably for another month or so. Have a lovely Christmas and a happy new year. I can’t wait to spend it with my babies as a family of four. Love, L.

The fourth trimester

12 weeks in! 12 weeks of learning how to be a mum of two girls. Mostly, it’s been so good. I’m thoroughly enjoying having two gorgeous girls to keep me on my toes. Like I said in my last post, it is easier than I imagined it would be but that is probably down to Isla being an ‘easier’ baby.

I’m still breastfeeding, which I’m loving! I don’t have to think about prepping/cleaning bottles which is just another thing to do. Plus, leaving the house is a lot easier too. As long as I have nappies, wipes and a muslin, we know we’ll be okay!
The only problem we’re finding at the moment is that Isla won’t take a bottle now. I think we’ve perhaps left it too long to start introducing one properly and now it’s become a bit of a battle. We’ve decided that Josh is going to give her her morning feed, when he can. Rather than trying on an evening when I’m out and she’s tired and it’s just that time of the day where she wants her mum. Any tips please feel free to share but I will update on progress in a month or two – depending on when I get chance to write another post!

Although at first we didn’t get any jealousy from Mali, we have, over the last few weeks, had to intervene when she has slapped Isla. It tends to happen when I’m holding her and someone else is talking to us, so I think it is an attention thing. We’re trying now not to give it much acknowledgment, just tell her it’s wrong and then get up and walk away because we have realised that the more attention she gets from it, the more it riles her up to do it again. I’m hoping this ‘phase’ will go and quickly as it came about but let’s see…

After writing the above at 12 weeks postpartum, I then didn’t get chance to finish writing this post. So here we are at 15 weeks postpartum. A lot has actually seemed to change since writing the above. Mali did actually stop hitting Isla for a while and has only just done it once lately. The walking away did work! We are now in cold and flu season. Both babes have had snotty noses. Isla is waking frequently as she’s been struggling to breathe through her nose, so I am feeling exhausted lately. I’m looking forward to it shifting and only waking once or twice a night again instead of every 2 hours. However, I am not looking forward to that 4 month regression. I don’t actually remember it much with Mali as she was a crap sleeper anyway but everyone seems to say it is the worst regression… so we’ll see how we survive that one! The winding/burping has got a lot easier already. We can get a good burp out of her straight after a feed and lie her down without any fuss. She is becoming a proper little person, the way she looks at you and smiles, the way her face lights up when she sees Mali, the way she always lifts her right arm up to touch my face when I’m holding her. She’s so different in looks to Mali. So much fairer skinned, lighter eyes, shorter I think?! I can’t believe she’s mine actually! If I’d have had her in hospital I’d almost be sure I’d be given the wrong baby but there was definitely no chance of that after having her at home!

With Christmas fast approaching I’m really looking forward to making the house super cosy. This will be Mali’s first Christmas where she will understand a bit more of what’s happening and can open presents and get excited about it. I had hoped to get the tree up this weekend but with us doing a bit of work in the kitchen it just hasn’t been tidy enough, so I’ll get it up this week one day when M is at playgroup. Then she’ll have a huge shock when she gets home! I can’t wait to see her face, she really does pull some of the best faces.

The pictures taken and used in this post are from a lovely little yomp up to Orrest Head. It’s a short walk, taking only around half an hour or so to reach the view point – going at toddler speed. There are also these lovely wooden carvings of the characters from the Gruffalo which Mali loved! We then stopped off and had lunch at Homeground in Windermere. A perfect snowy Friday for our 11 year anniversary!

4 weeks in – how I’m finding being a Mum of two

4 weeks in – I can’t believe it. 1 whole month of our beautiful Isla and adjusting to becoming a family of four. It feels like yesterday I was preparing to give birth at home but then again, it also feels like she’s never not been in our lives, which is bizarre!

So, how am I actually finding it? Honestly, it’s been (so far) easier than I thought. Yes, it’s a juggle but it’s not quite hit me the same as it did the first time around. People say perhaps we’re more relaxed this time round which I partly agree with but also I feel like a Isla is just a much more settled baby which makes things a hell of a lot easier. If she’d had silent reflux like M did, then I certainly wouldn’t be finding it as easy as I am now. And when I say easy, it’s definitely not easy, just a lot more manageable than I had imagined.

The struggles, of course, there are always struggles. Bedtime alone, which I’ve only done once is hard. Isla cluster feeds from around teatime, usually up until I go to bed at 9/10ish. Then having to bath and get M ready for bed whilst trying to feed a baby is a juggle and I feel guilty that M never gets my full attention.
The days spent at home just the three of us when the weather is bad, they’re particularly hard. As I worry about M watching too much TV and not having enough things to do/play with.


Mali is the most fantastic big sister. Every time Isla squirms or cries, she’s right there stroking her head giving her a little ‘shh, shh’ or pat on the bum. So far, there seems to be no signs of jealousy… though she has been pushing boundaries a bit more with Josh and I. Whether that’s to do with her sisters arrival or the fact that she turned two a few months ago, or that she’s just started playgroup a couple days through the week, who knows. Of course, it’s expected at some point and I do love watching her personality shine through, as tough as the tantrums can be!

Comparing this time to last time, looking back, I felt like I was on another planet for the first few months. This time I actually feel pretty ‘normal’, which I wasn’t expecting. Saying this though, I did feel totally overwhelmed last night when M wouldn’t go to bed and Josh was away for the night. Isla was unsettled and fussing every time I put her to the boob and I just wanted to face plant my pillow and have a good nights sleep. I read a poem or a saying the other day, that read that motherhood or parenthood was a beautiful contradiction, which that it is. There are so many beautiful, wonderful, heartfelt moments but there are also so many times you just want to pull your hair out, or cry, or scream and it’s not often talked about.

Anyway, today is one of those days where I’m feeling a little overwhelmed and need a breather. So I’m taking an hour at the gym for myself – speak soon, L x.

My home birth story

Estimated due date: 24th Aug 24

Arrival date: 18th Aug (39+1) 

Planned: home water birth 

Actual: home water birth 

At 39 weeks I woke around 3:30am with contractions. I managed to go back to sleep but began noting down the regular times from 5am, where they were roughly every 15 minutes, lasting 30 seconds or so. 

Mali was cuddling me in bed and I was really beginning to struggle with the contractions come 6:30, so I got up and we went to wake Josh up. He’d been throwing up the same night with Norovirus, which both me and M had had earlier in the week – perfect timing! 

I text my mum & dad asking if they’d take M for the day as I was having regular contractions. 

I also rang the hospital to let them know that things were progressing but I didn’t want anyone sending out yet. They said they had 4 midwives on call today but there would be no cover over night – great! 

Mum arrived at 7:30 and off M went. I gave her a big kiss and cuddle and remembered what everyone told me. She’d never look like my little baby anymore once the new baby arrives so I squeezed her so tightly and felt a little emotional, albeit excited that I was going to be giving birth to her brother or sister soon! 

Once she’d gone we started setting up the pool, emptying the dishwasher, tidying up! 

Then the contractions stopped! I felt so disheartened. My first labour progressed really quickly and I thought this one would go the same way. 

My local MLU called me at 9:30am to check in with me and reassured me that there would be cover for me overnight and not to worry about it. I told them my contractions had stopped and they said that hearing there was no cover overnight wouldn’t have helped but they told me to relax and get some rest.

We continued pottering about at home. I bounced on my ball but the contractions were few and far between. We decided to go for lunch, seeing as though we were child free and didn’t get to eat out often alone. We both had a fry up and then went for a little walk to the shop for more Lucozade and snacks for the day ahead. 

Back home Josh watched some football and I sat and watched Love is Blind UK. I got the next to me set up beside my bed and started looking through all the baby clothes hoping it would kick start something again. 

I then got a bit of a bloody show and that got me excited again thinking my body must be preparing itself and I was hopeful it would be tonight. 

It was a nice afternoon so we decided to go for a brisk walk. I had one or two contractions whilst we were out and then decided to get some sleep. 

I went to sleep around 5pm and woke every half hour or so from the contractions. 

From around 7pm they were every 15 minutes, ranging between 15-50 seconds. 

11pm, they ramped up and each contraction would come within 10 minutes, lasting 50 seconds. 

Just before midnight, I was getting 4 within 10 minutes. This is when I decided to call the midwives. 

The midwives arrive at 1am and to my delight it’s my midwife I had at my first borns pregnancy and birth and throughout this pregnancy. We had a good chat but then the contractions start to slow a little. We ask them if they want to sit upstairs as our living space is quite small and I was a little scared to make a noise from the contractions. 

We put a spa playlist on the tele to help me get in to the zone and 2 contractions later, I’m asking to get in the pool and for gas and air! The warmth of the pool was so lovely, I felt totally relaxed again. The contractions slow down but I didn’t mind as I remember this happening last time. 

Sooner or later they are coming thick and fast. 

Josh sat on the sofa opposite me in the pool. Having him to grab on to and to reassure me with me with my breathing and remind me that we’d be meeting our baby girl or boy soon was everything I needed to get through, plus gas and air and 2 bottles of raspberry Lucozade – yum!

I got to the point where I thought I couldn’t do it anymore but I also remember this being the point where I was ever so close to actually giving birth so I tried to think of meeting my baby soon, and less about the pain. 

I then started almost mooing where I felt baby really move down in to the birth canal. I felt the pressure of my waters and then recall the midwife telling me my waters had just gone. 

At some point Josh cut my knickers off as I didn’t take them off before getting in the pool and I didn’t feel comfortable enough to take them off myself. 

Then, after a good few contractions and pushes and me getting a little annoyed at myself, babies head was out! I felt relief as I knew we were ALMOST there. 

2 more contractions and a lot of pushing and baby was out. My midwife picked baby up, untangled the cord from around their neck and lifted them up between my legs and in to my arms. What a feeling! They needed a little rub to get them to cry which was the same with my first born. 

I was so happy to hold them in my arms, I felt in a bit of shock and didn’t even check to see if it was a girl or a boy! My midwife asked if I had seen what it was but I hadn’t and asked her to tell me, in which she told me it was a girl! We couldn’t believe it, we were so sure it was a boy! I sat in the pool for a couple of minutes holding her. Then managed to get out and on to the sofa for the injection to help deliver the placenta. I remember feeling in a  lot of pain until the placenta came out and I was shaking for a long time from adrenaline. 

Baby girl latched on whilst I was coming round to giving birth and stayed latched for almost an hour I believe! I really wanted to give breastfeeding another go so I am lucky she’s taken to it so well. 

They checked me over for tears and grazes and I was so shocked I had none! I was almost certain I’d torn. 

The midwives handed me some paracetamol and Ibroprufen from my kitchen cupboard and made me some buttery toast to help bring me round. I soon began feeling a lot better and managed to get myself to the toilet and fill a whole jug of wee without any pain! 

Josh and the midwives tidied up what they could, emptying the pool and getting rid of the liner so we didn’t have that to contend with later in the day. 

The midwives left at 7am and Josh, myself and our newborn baby girl went to bed to get some rest! 

My mum, dad and gran brought M round after her afternoon nap to meet her baby sister. She was absolutely delighted to see her and I swear she seems 10 times more grown up over night. Even her speech has come on so much in just a few days! 

I had a glass of champagne and was, and still am, in disbelief that I have a second gorgeous girl to complete our family. 

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this and if you’re considering a home birth, I say, go for it! Best thing I did! 

The third trimester & maternity leave begins

I think the third trimester this time round has gone the quickest of all. I can’t believe we’re only a few weeks off my EDD! I had planned on working until the very end but I changed my mind and decided I needed to give myself time to relax and prepare for the birth, as well as the changes of becoming a family of 4.

I say relax but I still have a lot of things I’d like to get done. Though, I have managed to get a lot done this last week, from sorting our drawers, getting all the babies clothes neatly put away, making sure we have everything to hand for the birth. Now all that’s left is to tackle the kitchen cupboards, the freezer and do some batch cooking!

I have been feeling a bit more tired these last few weeks. Struggling to get comfortable to sleep and when I’ve woken in the night I’ve spent a while getting back to sleep, as I’ve had so many thoughts whizzing around my head. I am very much ready for this baby to make their appearance now, so that I can lie comfortably on my stomach and also get out and do some walking without aching!

I had my 38 week checkup this week, which I hope will be my last check up as I do have a feeling baby is going to make an appearance before my EDD. Fingers crossed anyway, as my midwife is away the weekend of my due date and I would love to birth this baby with her here again. However, I do feel whatever happens will be absolutely fine. I thought I’d feel more nervous the closer my due date approaches but I just feel so excited about it all. Every night I make sure our living room and kitchen is as clean as can be, just in case I wake up to contractions like I did last time. Today I bought some Lucozade and some sweets so I know I have something to keep me going. Last time it was Rowntrees Fruit Pastels that Josh fed to me in between gas and air, this time I’ve gone for some mini M&M’s and a packet of the fizzy Haribo’s. I’m not usually a ‘sweet’ kind of girl, but they definitely helped me through last time!

Well, that’s me for the evening and until baby decides to make its way into the world! Part of me still can’t believe our second baby will be here ever so soon. I can’t believe I’m going to be a mum of two! My prediction is a baby boy, arriving before 40 weeks… but only time will tell! Lots of love, L.

An update

I think it’s only fair to anyone who has followed me here on my blog/Instagram that I let you all know where Erik, our GSP, has disappeared to. As I know a lot of you have noticed he hasn’t been seen on my stories or shared on anything for a while and that’s because we made the difficult decision to rehome him.

I know what you’re thinking, I’d feel the same looking at it from the outside too. We had a baby, so the dog took a back seat and got his nose pushed out. True. This did happen. It’s not something we wanted or ever thought would happen. We thought we’d still be able to give him the attention and the walks and exercise he needed and had had with us for the last 4 years but little did we know how much time, energy and effort children would take. The guilt I would feel daily because I knew he wasn’t getting what he needed was hard with a toddler but something I thought would get easier, until I got pregnant again and the constant worry of juggling 2 children and a dog, whilst also giving myself enough time, keeping the house clean etc. was a constant headache for the first half of this year. I cried a lot, probably because of all the hormonal changes too but because I wished I could split myself in to 3 and give so much of myself to Erik, so much of myself to M and so much of me to Josh, to myself and to the house jobs. It was a really difficult period and was causing a lot of upset and some days I hated waking up and being in my own home because I didn’t know how the day would go and I knew it wasn’t going to change anytime soon.

Anyway, I won’t go in to it all too much. Just know, that he is with his lovely new owner. Just him and a lovely lady who lives in the same town as us. We know he’s living his best life and getting so much exercise, so many cuddles and kisses. And when he’s not with her he’s with our lovely friend and dog walker, running around with several other dogs, having the time of his life. We know in our hearts it was the right decision, for him and for us, as hard as it has been. If we had kept him it would have been totally selfish and because we didn’t want to lose face or pride. You might catch a glimpse of him on my Instagram one day, as we are still allowed to walk him – though it is much too soon in my opinion. Love, L.

Preparing for a home birth & things I’m looking forward to

A home birth isn’t 100% guaranteed but I’m manifesting it as much as possible, as it’s something I really want to do this time round. It’s where I know I’ll feel most relaxed and with the journey to our nearest hospital being a 40 minute drive, I do worry that during the drive I would either give birth in the car or feel so unnerved about it all, that my body would just do a u-turn and labour would digress.

Josh is still really unsure about it all but I’ve done a lot of reading and I feel it is our best option, with our MLU currently closed. Our lovely midwife, Rachel, who I had throughout my whole pregnancy last time and was even on duty during my last birth is popping round to ours to discuss the home birth and give Josh some reassurance too. I think I’ll really feel like it’s actually going to happen at home once we’ve had that discussion and I can start to prepare mentally as well as get every thing in our home ready too. In a way, it’s made me want to start my maternity leave sooner but I also kind of want to work until the day I give birth, just so I can keep my full wage for as long as possible. We’ll see…

I’m a member of a home birth UK group on Facebook so I read about births daily. It’s called ‘homebirths support group UK’ and I love reading all the different stories. I’ve also been reading up on the best things to have to hand during a home birth, so I’ve done my own list which I thought I’d share here, in case any of you are interested.


For the birth:

  • birthing pool
  • birthing ball
  • towels
  • waterproof shower curtains
  • maternity pads

Pain relief:

  • gas & air (midwives will bring this)
  • hot water bottle
  • comb

The environment:

  • lavender diffuser
  • low level lighting
  • fairy lights/tea lights
  • something familiar/light hearted to have on in background e.g. new season of Emily in Paris.

The items below I’ll have packed in packing cubes in case we have to be transferred to hospital.


For baby:

  • blanket
  • towels
  • hat
  • baby grow
  • nappies

For myself:

  • bikini
  • pj’s
  • big knickers
  • lightweight dressing gown
  • slippers/socks
  • joggers & t-shirt
  • pads
  • lucozade
  • sweets
  • fruit

At this stage we have no plans with what we’ll do with M when I go into labour. The ideal scenario would be that I’d go into labour in the night, she’d sleep through and wake up to her new baby brother or sister but I’m wishful thinking!

I know my Mum and Gran would be on call for her whenever needed and they’re both familiar with her routine, so I’m not worried about that aspect but I should perhaps have a discussion with them.. or maybe just wait until the day comes, I’m sure it’ll all work out.

I will probably sort a little bag ready for her with nappies, pj’s, clothes etc. in, just in case she has to go somewhere for a day/night.

To extend this post, I also wanted to share a few things I’m looking forward to post birth. Currently at 33 weeks I’m getting a lot of pelvic pain. It actually hurts to do a lot of walking/standing so I do try to rest when I can, although on my days with M that is a difficulty now she’s so active! There’s also a bit of Mum guilt there, so I probably have been overdoing it a little. One thing is for certain though, I’m looking forward to that going and also doing some exercise where I can sweat it out. I’ve not exercised since January time and I miss it so much! I can’t wait to renew my gym membership as quickly as possible and build up my fitness again. I also loved going to the gym for 45 minutes on an evening, listening to some music or a podcast, whilst Josh took care of Mali. It was much needed me time, where my brain would focus on something else other than a newborn baby.

In September M starts playgroup, which I think she’ll absolutely love. She’s not been to a nursery yet which will be a big change for the both of us but I feel as though she’s ready and it couldn’t have come at a better time. It also feels like the start a new chapter with baby number 2 arriving and a new chapter with M spending some time with other children/adults who aren’t immediate family or my friends children. I just hope she doesn’t feel pushed out as it will be around the same time our baby arrives.

I’m looking forward to hopefully enjoying and soaking up the newborn stage more than I did the first time round. With M having silent reflux and not being listened to by health professionals until 6 months down the line, I hope that this time round this baby won’t have it and if it does then we spot the signs earlier and get them dealt with sooner. It was a very stressful time and I was physically and emotionally exhausted!
This also leads on to me looking forward to hopefully breastfeeding a little longer than 4 weeks this time round. I’d love to be able to do it again and this time it would be a dream to do it for a year.

I’m excited for life as a family of 4. We are definitely done at 2 babies, so I’m excited to see what life will look like in the years to come as we navigate parenthood again. Our dream is to still move abroad for part of the year and is becoming more of a dream we’re so eager to chase with the shit summer weather we’re having here in the UK.

Although the sleep deprivation scares me, I cannot wait to be able to sleep on my back and my front again! I hate sleeping on my side and I’m finding sleeping really uncomfortable. I really don’t know how I’m going to go another 7 or so weeks.

And finally, I’m looking forward to seeing how M is with the baby. She’s such a caring child and loves other children/babies. I’m a little worried she might be too helpful but I don’t think that’s a bad thing. Rather that than hating the baby and getting jealous, although I’m sure that’s bound to happen at some stage.

The second trimester & my birth wish

And just like that, we’re into the third trimester. Time has flown! I sometimes forget that I am actually pregnant as I haven’t had time to think about, keep up to date with my pregnancy apps or even had many symptoms. I’m actually a little scared about how fast time is going because we still have a lot of jobs to get done before baby arrives.

I took this photo before M arrived. This room is a lot different now, as it is M’s room until we do up the spare room, which we’re not in any rush to do as the baby will be with me for a long while.

I started with sciatica much earlier on this time, at around 21 weeks. Last time I don’t recall getting sciatica until 30+ weeks with M, so it was a little unexpected. Saying that though, it hasn’t been as bad lately and does seem to be worse when I sit around, like for example when we were away in Turkey and I was only walking from the room, to breakfast, to the pool, back to the restaurant for lunch etc. This time my bump is much neater too but my measurements indicate I am following the baby growth chart as I should. I was measuring on the bigger side with M, so maybe this baby will be smaller.. then again, I think I just had a lot more water retention during my first pregnancy.

At my 28 week checkup we discussed how I’d like to give birth this time. If I could replicate the last birth again I would, it was perfect. However, I had considered a home birth early on and with my local MLU (midwifery led unit) temporarily closed for the next 6 months, the idea of having a home birth is much more appealing than having to travel to hospital. So, this time the plan is to give birth at home, in a pool, which another mama is kindly lending me. I’ve been reading some home birth stories here which have made me so excited to do it all again. That might sound crazy to some people because who would want to go through the pain of contractions again but honestly, I found the whole thing just incredible.

For my home birth wish – I say wish because who knows what might happen – I’m going to have a little basket ready with everything I think I’ll need, whilst also having a little bag ready just in case we do need to get to hospital. This time I will get a bag packed 2 weeks before my due date… because last time it was not ideal throwing everything in a bag whilst having contractions… which by the way progressed very quickly.

Anyway, excuse the radio silence here. I’ve been super tired and with M not sleeping through the night lately I haven’t had time for much else other than general house jobs and self care. I have planned on sharing more about our trip to Turkey, which I will get round to eventually… but for now, Love Island then bed!

Baby essentials I need this time around

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The wonderful thing about knowing we would eventually have another baby is keeping pretty much everything we got the first time round. Most of it is stored in labelled up plastic boxes in the eaves of our attic/bedroom. However, there are some things I didn’t have for the first few months with Mali that I could’ve absolutely used, so I’m going to share with you the things I didn’t buy but wish I had and will be purchasing soon, if not already bought and stashed away pending our new arrival.

First of all, if I still had this* book, I would 100% read it again. I was given it by a friend when I was expecting with M, then I passed it on to a friend who then passed it on so I don’t have it anymore but I think it’s one every expecting Mum should read. I’ve recently (since Christmas) started reading ‘The Second Baby Book’* by Sarah Ockwell-Smith, which also has some really good chapters on how to approach childbirth the second time round. Even though birth the first time round was everything I wanted, I know that this might not happen this time so it’s good to get different ideas on how the birth could go. Even though I’m still hopeful for a similar birth, I can start to think about what might need to happen should anything go not to plan.

A sling – I have the Ergobaby Omni 360 and a Baby Bjorn, both of which are excellent. I’d say the Baby Bjorn one is better for infants and the Ergobaby better for 6 months plus or older, as it’s a lot more robust but I found it not quite as gentle using it with a newborn. So this time around I’m opting for a sling for the first few months so I can hopefully get house jobs done whilst baby sleeps and also play with Mali. The Free Rider slings seem to have great reviews and I do know a couple of other Mum’s who have used these so I will be getting one soon. Just need to decide on which colour!

A dimmable light – I didn’t realise how bright and disorientating turning on a bedside light in the middle of the night actually was until I had to feed frequently with Mali which, reading more in depth about it, obviously knackers up yours and babies circadian rhythm. There are a couple I’ve found online but I decided to go for this one here* and I really love it. It’s a lot smaller than I expected but it’s perfect and an ideal size for taking with me if we need to go away for the night. Josh even said he wants to get one for the spare room for those nights he has to disappear and make room for Mali!

Another white noise machine – something we didn’t purchase for ages after Mali was born and I so wish we had got one sooner. All babies are so different but M is such a light sleeper, anything would wake her up. We use this* white noise machine at night for her and it stays on until we turn it off in a morning when she wakes. It just gives us that bit of grace on an evening or in a morning and we don’t have to tip toe around. Be careful how loud they are though and how close to baby you’re using noise machines. it shouldn’t be any louder than heavy rainfall, which is I believe, 50-60 decibels. My Apple Watch has a feature that tells me how loud it is, if I’m ever concerned it’s too loud and I have it on the other side of the room to Mali which is more than 3 metres away. I think, but don’t quote me, the recommended distance is 2 metres of more away.

A new baby monitor. Though this isn’t something we will expect to use for a little while, I do want another one handy and one that will flick between Mali’s room and new baby. A friend of mine has recommended me this one here* which seems like a really good one. I want one that doesn’t use Wi-Fi, as I’ve seen a lot of scary things about hackers.

Dummies! I was so adamant that my baby was not going to use dummies… but they were a life saver with M. We tried a few different ones, like the really aesthetically pleasing ones BIBS and FRIGG but M did not take to those. I didn’t like their rubbery smell either to be totally honest. We ended up getting these* MAM ones that come in a little box where you can add water and sterilise themin the microwave. Perfect in my opinion if they help you and baby. I already got some ready for when number 2 arrives but won’t use them unless I feel necessary.

Bottles. I thought about going for the Tommee Tippee ones again but I don’t think I will, even though I have the water steriliser for them, I hated it on the side and found cleaning it a pain. I am hoping to breastfeed for a year *fingers crossed* but would still like to pump to allow Josh and my Mum and Gran to feed the baby, so the plan is to still have bottles ready. A lot of my friends use these* MAM bottles which I am leaning towards at the moment. I would actually prefer to use glass bottles but I’m not sure on how safe they would be as I’m a little clumsy and would probably end up knocking them over and smashing them. What’s great about the MAM bottles is that they are self sterilising, meaning you can stick them in a microwave for 3 minutes and they are ready to use again. They also have a ventilated base, reducing colic in 80% of babies, so the more I read, the more I will probably just end up going for these.

This leads me on to breast pumps. Now I probably won’t buy a pump before baby arrives because I’m not sure how my breastfeeding journey will go. We only managed 4 weeks last time but I’m hopeful things will be different this time. We were kindly given a Haakaa manual breast pump which I passed on to a friend when I stopped breast feeding. I loved this, it was super easy to use and because I was producing a lot of milk I was able to collect a lot. I didn’t have the one with the lid or the suction base but now I’ve seen those are available I will definitely 100% be getting one of those. You can find those here*. With the basic one I did knock it over a few times, losing all that precious milk and I also found that there were times I couldn’t get it immediately in to a storage bag, for example when baby fell asleep after feeding and you didn’t want to move, so a lid and a suction base would have been ideal.

Obviously I have a LOT of things already for baby number 2, but the items mentioned here were things I didn’t have at the beginning and really wish I did have. If anyone would find it helpful for me to list every thing I found helpful during those first few weeks/months, then just pop me a message on Instagram or send me an email and I’ll be happy to put a little post together.

Halfway with baby number 2

I can’t believe we’re already half way through this second pregnancy. Time has gone fast but has also stood still.. the countdown from here is now on, my brain can’t quite handle it!
With this pregnancy I’ve found it a little different to my first. I don’t think I’m showing as much, although I am feeling a lot more movement which started as early as around 14 weeks. I’ve even managed to feel the kicks on my hand which I don’t recall feeling on the outside as early on last time.
I’ve weirdly got more energy, whether that’s because I’ve had to with having a toddler or down to something else.. but I definitely feel a lot fitter and more energetic.
Saying that though, I have had sciatica early on this time, right down one leg and in one butt cheek. I remember getting this real bad for the first time around 33 weeks when we were on our ‘baby moon’ in Rhodes, so it came as a bit of a shock to get it around 18 weeks with this one!
My skin is worse, I’ve had some awful spots and dryness, whereas last time I thought my skin was glowing! It could be down to my lack of sleep and not eating as well during my last pregnancy… who knows!

A few days ago we had our 20 week scan! I was super nervous and excited for this scan, my tummy was doing somersaults on the way to hospital. This scan is a lot more in depth, with measurements being taken of babies head and thigh bone, checking the blood flow in to the heart and the umbilical cord. It is so fascinating and I still count my lucky stars that we are on this journey again. If you follow me on Instagram, you may know that Josh and I have felt a little indifferent when it comes to finding out this babies sex. I was against finding out whereas Josh was keen to find out this time around. When the sonographer asked whether we wanted to know, we said we would like it written down if possible, which she was happy to do for us. When I got home I stuck the envelope on the fridge, alongside the new scan images. Even though initially I didn’t want to know, I was so tempted to open it up and have a peep! That night we said we needed to make a decision, find out or not, so we battled it out over rock, paper, scissors. The first 3 times we drew the same hand! Paper, scissors, scissors, if you’re wondering… and on the 4th go Josh drew scissors and I drew rock, so I won and on to the fire it went. Part of me felt a little gutted but now I feel so much better that the temptation has gone! We have no more scans now, which means we don’t get to see him/her again until they arrive in to the world – isn’t that crazy?!

Trying to make the most of these days with just one baby to look after before the sleepless nights and exhausting days. Wouldn’t have it any other way though!

What we did in Phuket

After spending one whole month at my Grandma’s home in the scorching heat I was so ready for that sea breeze. When we visit Phuket, we always stay at the same place in Patong. It’s located on Nanai Road, 4 roads back from the beach road so it’s much quieter but not too far to walk, get a tuk tuk or ride a ped to the food market, beach, shopping centre or main strip. They have space to park motorbikes or a car, if you’re hiring either of those too, and it’s sheltered from the sun, so no burnt bottoms when hopping on your ped!

My Mum & Dad had eaten at Kan’s Haus on the beach front last time they visited Patong and highly recommended it, so we ended up eating breakfast here a couple of times, overlooking the sea.

Later one afternoon we made our way South of Patong to Nai Harn beach. I remember coming here for the first time a few years ago and it being so quiet but now it is one of the most popular beaches I’d say. It was really nice to arrive late afternoon, as it wasn’t scorching hot and we sat and had tea on this lovely green picnic mat I’d bought up at my Gran’s. The sunset was just beautiful, I could’ve sat all evening just listening to the waves.

Usually we’d rent motorbikes to get around the island but with a baby now in tow we didn’t feel it was safe enough to be driving around on peds, so Josh and I rented a small car to get around. My favourite beach in Phuket as of our last trip would be Surin. It’s a fair drive from Patong but it is lovely and there are lots of individual food stalls a couple metres from the beach serving all sorts, which is really handy. The under currents here are really strong though, which is something to bear in mind if you’re travelling with children old enough to swim alone or if you’re not a confident swimmer.

We had some Singha’s whilst watching the sunset and Mali enjoyed her sunset dip, taking a few steps along the soft sandy beach.

That night, my Mum and Dad offered to have Mali so we could spend the evening together doing whatever we fancied. We headed out for food and a massage, which was heaven. It was songkran though, which is Thai new year, so we ended up getting absolutely soaked before we even got to a restaurant.

The following day was spent relaxing by the pool and then heading down to our friends bar and restaurant for food. I used to love songkran as a child but now I just find it an inconvenience, especially with a baby. Definitely something you have to experience but when you’ve experienced it more than you can count on two hands, that’s enough for me!

And the following day we woke early to make our way to Koh Phi Phi. This was all of our bags, between 4 of us! It was a struggle, to say the least. Next time I’m definitely going to have to learn to pack much better than this.

Thoughts on: Moving abroad

At the beginning of every year I set myself some goals for the year ahead, as I’m sure do many others. Things I’d like to achieve, cut out of my life, change etc. This year wasn’t any different but instead I focused on what I, or shall I say we, want the next 5 years of our lives together to look like.
I definitely look at life a lot differently since having M and with another on the way I can’t help but think what I want their childhood to look like, as well as our lives as a family.

We’ve always discussed moving to Thailand one day but it was kind of one of those things we’d say on our way back home from spending 4 weeks there, wishing we weren’t flying back to the rain and cold. We knew we wanted it to happen one day but didn’t really look in to how we could make it work or when we could make it work. You could say it was a pipe dream, something we both never really thought would happen but still hoped the chance would arise.


This winter has dragged, more so than others. I think I’ve felt this more so with having M and not being able to get out and about doing things with her, unless it involves soft play or expensive day experiences. I want to see her running barefoot on the beaches, playing in the sea, eating fresh delicious food that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. I want her to experience a different culture to western culture. I want her memories of her childhood to be care free and I want the two of us to be the best versions of ourselves for her and her sibling, relaxed and relatively worry free.

We live in one of the wettest parts of the UK and I honestly don’t think a day hasn’t passed since November where it hasn’t rained. I know I’m exaggerating a little there, so let’s say 2 days max where it hasn’t rained. It’s left us feeling just pretty damn drained, fed up, wondering what the hell we’re doing here when there are so many other places we believe we could be happier, living outside, spending time by the sea.

For years I’ve said that the dream would be to live the Spring/Summer months in the UK and the winter months in Thailand, over their summer months.. and now, all of a sudden, I feel a real urge to make that dream a reality. Maybe it’s because I follow @carlyrowena on Instagram and seeing her living the life out in Costa Rica with her family has made me believe that it might not be so out of reach as we thought.

Who knows, we might get there one day and not be so in love with living normal every day life over there. We’re only used to being ‘tourists’ for a couple weeks of the year so it’s hard to imagine what living like a Thai would be like, with routine and structure, as well as having to work, which of course is another hurdle we have to look at. Then there’s our house and what we would do with it for 6 months and how would we cover the mortgage and Erik, our dog, who we wouldn’t be able to take to and from Thailand every year, due to the cost and more importantly the stress it would have on him. We’d need to find someone we know he and ourselves both trust to take care of him for half the year, if that is even something anyone would be able to commit to. There are so many things we need to thoroughly look into now that we are grown up and have all these commitments and dependencies but I know it’s not impossible and I feel like within 5 years from now, we’ll be there.

If you know of any blogs or people on Instagram who are currently living half the year in the UK and half the year elsewhere, please let me know as I’d love to have a little peek in to their lives! Or if you have any experience or knowledge on this, drop me an email – [email protected].