4 weeks in – I can’t believe it. 1 whole month of our beautiful Isla and adjusting to becoming a family of four. It feels like yesterday I was preparing to give birth at home but then again, it also feels like she’s never not been in our lives, which is bizarre!
So, how am I actually finding it? Honestly, it’s been (so far) easier than I thought. Yes, it’s a juggle but it’s not quite hit me the same as it did the first time around. People say perhaps we’re more relaxed this time round which I partly agree with but also I feel like a Isla is just a much more settled baby which makes things a hell of a lot easier. If she’d had silent reflux like M did, then I certainly wouldn’t be finding it as easy as I am now. And when I say easy, it’s definitely not easy, just a lot more manageable than I had imagined.
The struggles, of course, there are always struggles. Bedtime alone, which I’ve only done once is hard. Isla cluster feeds from around teatime, usually up until I go to bed at 9/10ish. Then having to bath and get M ready for bed whilst trying to feed a baby is a juggle and I feel guilty that M never gets my full attention.
The days spent at home just the three of us when the weather is bad, they’re particularly hard. As I worry about M watching too much TV and not having enough things to do/play with.
Mali is the most fantastic big sister. Every time Isla squirms or cries, she’s right there stroking her head giving her a little ‘shh, shh’ or pat on the bum. So far, there seems to be no signs of jealousy… though she has been pushing boundaries a bit more with Josh and I. Whether that’s to do with her sisters arrival or the fact that she turned two a few months ago, or that she’s just started playgroup a couple days through the week, who knows. Of course, it’s expected at some point and I do love watching her personality shine through, as tough as the tantrums can be!
Comparing this time to last time, looking back, I felt like I was on another planet for the first few months. This time I actually feel pretty ‘normal’, which I wasn’t expecting. Saying this though, I did feel totally overwhelmed last night when M wouldn’t go to bed and Josh was away for the night. Isla was unsettled and fussing every time I put her to the boob and I just wanted to face plant my pillow and have a good nights sleep. I read a poem or a saying the other day, that read that motherhood or parenthood was a beautiful contradiction, which that it is. There are so many beautiful, wonderful, heartfelt moments but there are also so many times you just want to pull your hair out, or cry, or scream and it’s not often talked about.
Anyway, today is one of those days where I’m feeling a little overwhelmed and need a breather. So I’m taking an hour at the gym for myself – speak soon, L x.